In the Trenches of Parenthood: From Boundaries to Breakthroughs

Can you recall the moment you realized parenting is more of an art form rather than a science? We're all in this wildly beautiful and challenging journey, and I'm here, your host Shaniqua, to share my personal stories and insights. My experiences as a mother of three have given me the wisdom on the importance of open communication, setting boundaries, and preparing our children for the real world. This episode dives into the nitty-gritty of childhood mental health and the tough conversations we must have with our kids.

In the second part of this episode, I'll get personal with my journey as a single mom, raising three unique individuals. We'll explore the roller coaster of single motherhood, the joys, the tribulations, and everything in between. I'll shed some light on my adventure as a teen mom and the importance of cheering for our children's success. We'll dive into the darker aspects of parenting as well, such as the impact of past traumas and the role of bitterness in our children's future relationships. So, buckle up and join me for an unmasked discussion on parenting.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Free Concepts Unmasked, where we motivate, educate and elevate. I am your host, shaniqua, and today's topic is Parenting. We're going to jump right into it after this prayer, guys. Father God, in the name of Jesus, god, I come to you, lord, and I say thank you. Thank you, god, for all that you've done and all that you're about to do. I'm so grateful for your love, your mercy, your grace, your forgiveness. I ask that you continue to bless our listeners, open their hearts, open their minds, be able to receive whatever word that you have for them and that it transform them into whatever it is you need for them to be, and that you fill them up so they can fulfill their purpose. In Jesus' name, we pray amen, unity and peace, amen. So, guys, listen. Parenting is not an easy job, as many of you know, and even if you don't have your own children, I know you've got some nieces and some nephews, you know, and maybe some little cousins. But parenting is not easy but it's definitely worth it at the end of the day.

Speaker 1: 1:13

I'm 49, I was a teen mom. I do have three children at the ages of my oldest son is 31, my middle son is 26, and my daughter is 18. So they are all grown, hallelujah, praise God, and I have a grand baby now too. She's one and a half my oldest son and his wife. Such a beautiful thing, I'm telling you, anyway. So it took a lot to get here. Okay, it was not easy. Definitely, again worth it, but not easy. There were a lot of challenges and difficulties, you know, because basically, when a child gets sick, you get sick, you got to call off from work. You know all of that. You have to be. You got to wear so many hats, you have to be their counselor, their doctor, their teacher, just everything, and also try to keep in mind you got to be who you need to be for you too, and not get drained and overwhelmed from being a parent. And so it comes with a lot of sacrifices and you don't even realize that at times. I know, for me I didn't realize that I, just my mom, was on drugs. I wanted her to just be a mom and get rid of this habit. And I didn't understand fully, you know, and I used to stay angry at her and just so upset as a kid, as a teenager, but when I became a parent myself, I understood so much more, you know, and I feel like nowadays we do not raise our children like we used to. Back in the day Now, I grew up in the 70s and again with my great grandmother raising me and I respected my great grandmother. I loved her, I respected her.

Speaker 1: 3:09

Now, what I call it fear, I don't know, because let me say something If I did something wrong and my that my school had to call my grandma, it was going to be a problem. You hear me? The era of getting spankings, not abusing. Now I'm talking about spankings to teach you. You know, discipline.

Speaker 1: 3:33

There's consequences to your actions, you know, and I think that we need to get back into raising our children, because a lot of our kids are really lost. I think we need to listen to our children, be there, love them, not coddle them, because you're not teaching them. You know what the real world is really about, because, at the end of the day, you're going to be soft on them, but the world is going to be hard on them and they may not be able to handle what comes their way. So you're going to have to, you know, love them where they are, teach them and then also support them. You know you have a lot of young people that are feeling like they are born a girl and they feel like you know, they're more like a tomboy or or a boy that's, you know, feels like he's more like a girl, have those conversations. At the end of the day, you know what I mean, it doesn't mean that they're gay, it just means that you know, maybe they just might need mom and dad to talk to them and sort some things out.

Speaker 1: 4:39

You know, you never know, but you have to be willing to listen because, at the end of the day, let me tell you something we did not know what we were doing growing up either. You know, a lot of times we were hardheaded, we didn't listen. So sometimes we have to take ourselves back to that place of being a teenager, being 13 or whatever, and um understanding, you know that there's peer pressure, there's, you know, bullying. There's so much going on in school. Um, so, just loving our kids where they are, I think that if we love them um unconditionally, that there's nothing that we won't do for our children, and I think we really need to start listening to them before it's too late.

Speaker 1: 5:28

Um, I do have three children, but I also have three bonus children, um one that passed um January 2nd and um, mental health is really important. Let me just say that my other two bonus children they are here, um, beautiful, beautiful individuals and um, I'm just so grateful and honored to have been in all of their lives and when I say to you that mental health is important, this is, you know, we really need to talk about, have these tough conversations with our children and find out what, what's going on in their minds, because, at the end of the day, the enemy is going to try to attack so that, and of course, he attacks our minds, um, so that we believe sometimes that we're not enough and due to divorce or you know different things that kids go through and I think that's really hard on kids too is divorce, and that's something that I discussed with my children, um, when I was married to their dads and then I wasn't. You know it's a tough conversation to have, um, but you have to let your child know that it doesn't have anything to do with you. My, my daddy just can't get along. You know, and you know um and break it down to them that you know we feel like we can have a healthier relationship um with you.

Speaker 1: 7:01

You know, as our child if we separate and um, you know, we gotta figure some things out and just be honest with our children, because at the end of the day, honey, you can try a lot of these kids, but these kids are very smart, very intelligent. They already know what's going on and sometimes you might want to say, excuse me that you know you 30 years. You know, oh, we've been married 30 years. But, yeah, have you been happily married 30 years? And when I say happily married, I mean where you don't have a toxic environment for the child growing up and you guys are miserable. I rather, you know, raise my child, um, by myself and still have their father in their lives without um, without you know, showing them this toxic relationship and that it's okay to stay in something that you shouldn't stay in just because you want to say I've been married 20, 30 years. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1: 8:00

So I think also that we've taken God and prayer out of the schools back in the day, um, and then I think that has really um, I think that that's disabled us in a sense, because, listen, let me say this I'm not trying to push God on anybody, on anybody, but if there is something positive that's coming out of this and we, you know, pray, you know. Or say, for example, you guys don't want your children believing in God, but you got to believe in Santa Claus, you know I'm saying. Or you got to believe in a tooth fairy, or you got to believe, you know what I mean. Like, come on, like it's snow harm, you got in God, we trust on the money and God we trust, you know. Um, we say it in the Pledge of Allegiance, you know. So it was anyway. I'm. I'm gonna stop on that part.

Speaker 1: 9:01

But we need to have, um, more prayer, more love, more compassion, more empathy for people. Be there for your children, talk to them about any or anything that they want to talk about. I don't care if it's sex. If they have a question, then you need to answer it, because you don't want them going to their friends asking them questions because they are not even knowledgeable to even answer, especially in a mature manner, you know, and maybe even a safe manner, you know.

Speaker 1: 9:33

But I think it's important that we take ourselves back to the place when we were growing up, and they may not be like you, they may be like there. Maybe you didn't have a tough life growing up or you weren't hardheaded, but maybe their dad was, you know, or the grandmother, whoever. Somehow we're going to have some of that DNA from, you know, our parents or their parents or so on, and they're going to act different and you're going to be like who shall? Is this Put the end to the end of the day? You know it's still your job and your responsibility to guide them and love on them where they are, you know, and not make them feel strange or weird or what's wrong with you. You know, we're all different, we're all unique and I think that's what makes us so beautiful.

Speaker 1: 10:32

But yeah, my kids, it wasn't easy being a teen mom and then, five years later, having my second son and then, you know, some years later, having my daughter, and you know, you got all these personalities in the house. I got a Aquarius in the house, I got a Capricorn in the house, I got a Leo in the house, I got me in the house. I'm a cancer, you know, and at the times when I had husbands, you know, like, wait a minute. You have to deal with all of that and it's not easy. It's hard to just deal with you, sometimes just you, and you have to deal with all and we're all these different hats and multi-task. It's very challenging, but at the end of the day it's really and I say this again and I know I've already said this before it's worth it. It's really worth it.

Speaker 1: 11:24

I wouldn't change anything for the world having them and just having the opportunity to be their mom through all of it. It's been times that I did want to throw in the towel, but I knew I couldn't. I didn't want to be the mom that my mom was. I wanted to be better whatever that looked like to me or whatever that looks like to you, but I wanted to be better. I want to be there for them. I want to support them. I want to encourage them. I want them to be able to talk to me about anything and then having respect for their elders, having respect for their teachers. I really think that teachers I take my hat off the teachers they don't get paid enough to do the job that they do. They spend more time with our children than we do. They're with them at least eight hours.

Speaker 1: 12:15

By the time you get off work and you get home and maybe cook or order something to eat or whatever and wind down, you get up probably an hour with your children and a lot of people be complaining around the summertime that you know, lord, let me send these children back to the school. You know, because you didn't have enough of Lil Johnny and Lil Tyrone and Keisha or whoever. You know what I mean. You didn't have enough. But at the end of the day, you know, god gives us these blessings. We raise them, these little people, and they are people, human beings, and they have feelings. But being their best friend, I don't agree with that, you know. I don't agree with. I really agree more with letting your child be a child, letting them have that experience and that curiosity and that pureness of being a child.

Speaker 1: 13:10

A lot of times we have had traumatic experiences as a child and we have taken them on with us and they're still attached to us until we actually heal those wounds, those disappointments, those hurts. You know those abandonment issues, those neglect issues, you know the things that we've carried as a child. We don't want those burdens on our children, you know, and at the end of the day I'll fight 15,000 more demons if I have to so that I break the generational curse, so that my children are not affected and my children's children are not affected. You know what I'm saying. So we have to change the generation and I think that you know a lot of parents nowadays too, are very easy on their children.

Speaker 1: 14:02

You know they think about what they didn't want as a child, I guess, and so they put that off on their children. But honestly, children just want to be loved. They want to know that they're loved. They want to you know you to hug them, let them know what's gonna be okay. They want to be able to open up to you without having secrets or holding secrets and sharing them with their Classmates or whoever else. You know, these days you really have to be there for your kids because if not, you know they have the social media, the internet, and ain't on telling who your children might be talking to sometimes. So you really that's another thing too check their phones. Don't be afraid to check their phones once a week or whatever, and just or just pop up and say, hey, let me see your phone and go through it so you can see what your child is discussing. You know what the classmates or who she's talking to or who he's talking to.

Speaker 1: 14:56

You know it's really important these days because you have a lot of people and we're in a spiritual where warfare, where a lot of people I try to take these children and sex trafficking and all kinds of things that's going on in the world that you must protect your children. You know, and it's important to Not. You know, like my kids, my my oldest, he's married, you know he's successful. You know my middle son successful. You know they've all gone to college, my daughters in college now. So great. You know that's all great, good jobs, all of that, but they are beautiful people, beautiful individuals, loving, caring, respectful individuals.

Speaker 1: 15:46

You know, and that's what's most important at the end of the day, stop being bitter with their, their fathers. You know, for women out there, stop being petty, stop being bitter. You know God's rejection is your protection. If they didn't, you know they're no longer in your life and they don't love you for somebody else or whatever the case may be. Think, go ahead and just let it go and just know that God gonna bless you with something else better.

Speaker 1: 16:16

But do not, you know, pass that Negativity. Or, you know, show your child the toxic relationship and arguing and fighting. You know, because at the end of the day, they're gonna end up having Issues in their future relationships when they grow up, you know, and who wants that? If you really love your child Unconditionally, you do not want your child to go through the same thing that you've been through. You'll just let it go for giving. Let go easier said than done, but it can be done, you know. And to you're gonna have graduation. You're gonna have, you know, with your child. You're gonna have birthdays and things. You have to learn how to be cordial, you know, men, same thing.

Speaker 1: 17:00

It's no need to be bitter if you cheated so many times, for example. Just put an example is just an example, guys, because you know the fellas might get mad. But just saying, if you cheated so many times and you lost your woman and now she's, you know, went on about, you know, her business and she's, you know, raising a child on her own, then don't be bitter when she gets a new boyfriend or somebody in her life. That is gonna, you know, not only Be in her life but in your child's life, you know, especially if they're positive.

Speaker 1: 17:34

I Think a lot of times we lose sight of the children because we're so caught up in being angry and Pissed off at the mate, at their father or the mother, that we forget how important these little beings are that we are raising and they're our future. Really, I know it sounds cliche, but the children are our future and and it's important to you know, it's important to what we do In teaching them and what we teach them, basically, okay. So I'm not gonna keep preaching, I'm just saying that, if you agree, definitely email at free pot, free podcast, free concepts podcast at gmailcom. I don't know why I can't get that together. Y'all, we're gonna get it together, okay. But I'm just saying and love your children.

Speaker 1: 18:27

Think about where you've been, think about the knowledge and wisdom you've gained through your years of experience. They are just growing, they are just starting out. Just give them the tools, give them the skills, whatever it is that they need to be able to survive in this world. Definitely teach them respect, morals, values, love, compassion, things like that, okay. So I think it's really important that we change the narrative. The world is just cuckoo for cocoa puffs right now and we need to Get it together and not pass on the same messed up cycle that we had when we were growing up. We want to be better. Each generation should be getting better and stop being so hard on these teachers out here. I mean, I understand if they abuse your child or something. That's different. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about real good teachers out here that are willing to educate your child.

Speaker 1: 19:30

But you don't want you know little Johnny, to listen, because you know you got to teach your child right from wrong. If little Johnny wrong, just like how you know, sometimes you might have a friend. You know, if you write, you write. If you're wrong, you're wrong. I ain't gonna stand on wrong, I'm gonna tell my friend. If you're my friend, I'm gonna be honest with you and be like no, I used wrong in that situation. Sis, you know what I'm saying. So with your child, you have to be able to say no, that wasn't right. I need you to apologize to Mr Such and Such or Mr Such and Such, you know.

Speaker 1: 20:02

I think it's really important, it shows integrity as well, to apologize and be accountable for your actions, and I think that's what we need to teach our children and even ourselves in the whole healing process. This is why I talk about healing all the time and you know, the healing process and doing the inner work is because it really starts from us as being children, our childhood and what we experienced and what we saw. It ends up molding us, and you know, especially our bad experiences. Unfortunately, it starts to mold us into what I feel like the world wants us to be. And I don't wanna be like the world. I don't want the world to change me. I wanna change the world for the better, you know, and we have to start over. Basically, you know, I have a different mindset on how we wanna do things, how we wanna live our lives. You know Life is too short for us to just keep going down the same rabbit hole, basically. So just know that you don't have to be like your parents. You know you are your own individual and you can be who you wanna be, but you have to do the work and a lot of times people wanna stay asleep. They don't wanna, you know, wake up to reality and the truth. So I think that we need to be real with our children. We need to listen to our children Just you know, understanding where they're coming from and talk to them Because, like I said, they're gonna figure it out one way or another and it's best to get guidance from their parents that can be open-minded, non-judgmental and just you know, listen. So I think it will save a lot of our children's lives.

Speaker 1: 22:01

I wanted to put that out. I wanted to dedicate this episode to my bonus son, brad RIP. God bless you, and this is why I started. All of this is because don't wait until it's too late. So, with that being said, I'm gonna go ahead and finish up. We do still have a giveaway the Shadow Work Journal, a guide to integrate and transcend your shadows. So listen, guys, I am doing this giveaway. The key phrase is going to be parenting is worth it. Parenting is worth it. So send that key phrase to free concepts podcast at gmailcom, along with your shipping address. If I pull your name from the emails that are sent, then I will go ahead and ship this book out to you.

Speaker 1: 23:04

It helps you to do the inner work on yourself. A lot of times, we always do outer work with the makeup and the this and the that and trying to look good on the outside. Let's take the time to do the inside, clean up the inside and make it as beautiful as the outside, okay, guys? So the Shadow Work Journal talks about unconscious, talks about your childhood. It talks about fear. A lot of times, fear holds us back, and so forth, and so on. It has activities and exercises for you to complete, so it's like a real personal journey to help you with your personal wounds. Okay, so, god bless you. Thank you so much for listening. I appreciate your time Again. Let's be here for our youth, let's be here for our children. You've got this. You're up for the challenge. No matter what comes your way, god has you definitely guiding you to be the best parent you can be, to be the best mother. You can be the best father. You can be the best person and human being that you can be. God bless you. Have a wonderful one.